Here’s the thing. You wanna be cool but you don’t really know how to be cool. If you can’t click with the cool gang in your class/workplace, you’re probably not cool enough.

Well, not to worry! Today on kenwooi.com, you’ll be going through a simple “For Noobies” course – How to be Cool with Words for Noobies!

The teacher none other than cool Professor Wooi. He’s a graduate with Ph.D (Hons) in Awesomeness with Distinction, and today he’ll be lecturing you on how to be a cool person – with just words.

Pardon the bad handwriting. He’s too used to typing.

Anyway, according to Professor Wooi, one main area you gotta work on is to replace the ordinary words with something cooler. And here are 10 basic words/phrases that you could practice with in order to achieve a commendable level of coolness.

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1) Replace the common “Hi”, “Hello” or “Hey” greeting with… “Yo!”. Note the exclamation mark, it’s suppose to have an accent.

Or if you prefer, you can say “Yo” with a significant low tone – mimicking a cool mafia boss.

2) Instead of calling someone by their name, address them as “Bro” or “Dude” if the guy is a dude (see I’m leading by example) and “Sis” or “Bitch” if the lady is a bitch.

Take note, ensure that you know the lady very well first before you attempt to use “bitch” on her, or else you’ll get bitch-slapped and that’s NOT cool.

3) Don’t say a simple “Bye” when you leave, say “Chao!” instead. For instance, “Chao, Ken!” – that’s so cool.

But please don’t use “Chao” if you’re bidding goodbye to someone whose name is “Hai”. The result – “Chao, Hai”. Bad, really bad stuff.

4) If a problem arises, don’t just ask “How come?”. It’s too nice and polite. What you should say, or cry out loud, is “What the fuck?”.

It’s so cool to be using the f-word you know? Just f**k the f**king f**kers!

5) When you calm someone down, you tend to use “Relax”. To be cooler, you’re encouraged to use “Chill”.

Yeah, chillax lah. “Relax” is just too ordinary and formal.

6) If you want to compliment someone for their good job, using “Good” isn’t cool. Saying it’s an “Awesome” job is definitely way cooler.

Awesome is always better than good.

7) On the other hand, if you’re commenting on a bad job and you wanna be nice – by all means, say it’s “Bad”. But if you wanna be cool, say it’s a “Sucky” job.

Doesn’t sound nice, but it’s a step closer to being cool.

8) You normally start a conversation by asking “How are you?”. However, that’s just too grandfather style. It’s plain boring, and you should replace it with “What up!”.

It’s the new trend. You can go “What up?! High 5 man!” – too cool to be true.

9) If you’re into a situation that bothers you, don’t just say “Oh no!”. It’s not gonna do any miracle. Instead, you should go “Oh my Gawd!”.

And yes, Gawd might even hear you and solve your problem in a jiffy. No joke!

10) And lastly, if you want to comment on something bad, don’t just say “That’s bad”. It’s bad because you have bad coolness. Instead, you should just yell “Damn!”.

It’s one word that expresses so many emotions at once – anger, disappointment, upset, pain, fear and most importantly, utmost coolness.

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Alright, there you go – 10 simple words or phrases that you should improve on if you wanna be cool with words. Simple right?

Before we end the lesson, here’s a quick quiz – spot the uncool words or phrases in the statement below.

From the message above, there is absolutely no coolness. It’s down the drain and you suck if you think that’s cool.

So now, by referring to the lesson given, try replacing the common plain stuff with the cool stuff. It isn’t that hard right?

Alright, those underlined are totally wrong and uncool. Change them and this is the awesome result we’re looking for…

Yeah. What up?! You gotta agree, it’s so much cooler right? You’re bound to impress if you keep practicing. No money back guaranteed though!

So that’s all for today’s lesson on How to be Cool with Words for Noobies.

All the best in being cool yo!

– This “For Noobies” series is written by Ken Wooi and brought to you exclusively by Kenwooi Publications.