Clubbing, a custom most Malaysians love doing – especially youngsters, is a common thing. To the enthusiasts, it’s about listening to music, dancing and drinking alcohol.

In most cases, they see it as a way of socializing and knowing people.

Well for me, I’ve been to a club (note: I didn’t say “clubbing”) twice. Yes, just 2 times in my entire life. Personally, I dislike being there and it’s kinda meaningless. I prefer going to pubs than clubs.

So here are 10 reasons why you should leave me out on your clubbing invitation list…

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1) Money-wasting.

A visit to the club will definitely cost about RM50 and above. Damn a lot you know? Unless you’re a hot chick and the guys decide to pay for you, it’s cool! But that’s not the case for me – I have no boobies!

Oh yeah, you know that RM50 can buy an average RM5 economy rice for 10 days? Yes, it’s true.

2) Shaking body (dancing, if you prefer) is awkward.

It’s awkward shaking my body on the dance floor. Swaying the body, flexing the arms, nodding the head and taking little steps – not my thing. Even with personal friends around, I still find it awkward.

3) Loud booming music.

Besides being damn loud, deejay mixes of clubbing songs are also not my type of music.

4) Cannot converse.

For me, hanging out should come with conversations. But if I were to hang out at a club, it’s quite impossible to have a nice chat – since the music is booming so loudly.

Even if you need to, you have to shout at the person’s ear to be heard.

5) Filled with smoke.

Typically, a club is filled with smoke – obviously contributed by smokers. Since the club is normally air-conditioned, the ventilation is bad and the smoke eventually circulates inside the club.

It’s a nuisance for non-smokers like me and my attire will stink.

6) Wild ladies.

Admit it, one of the things guys do when hit the club is to check out the sizzling hot ladies. The wilder they are, the better right?

Yes, girls decorate themselves well when they club. They may be fun to know and shake body with too. If a guy is lucky, he might score! But personally, I don’t fancy knowing girls in a club.

7) No luck.

Referring to the point above – guys get lucky during, or even after, clubbing. For me, I’m not comfortable with wild ladies. I suck at getting to know random strangers and even if I try, I’ll be damn unlucky.

You think these hot girls will hook up with a dude like me? Fat chance!

P/S: Mum, don’t worry – Just saying. I still a good boy.

8) Don’t fancy alcoholic beverages.

Actually, I don’t mind drinking. In fact, I drink once in a while – but doing it in a club itself is not my cup of liquor. It’s expensive (refer to point #1) and a money sucker. Pretty self-explanatory.

9) Beauty sleep by 12am (or 1am).

Clubbing is all about hanging out late at night till 2am or 3am. I’m not a night person and I get sleepy once the clock struck twelve.

10) Old already.

I think I’m already old for clubbing. Period.

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Alright, done with the reasons why I don’t like clubbing. Just not my thing okay – so you guys can go ahead, enjoy and bring the house down. :)

Oh wait, just in case I do end up in a club (or forced to go clubbing) next time, here’s what probably gonna happen…

I’m at the club, enjoying my cup of drink. With shades and Malaysia shirt thinking they’re cool stuff while clubbing. I stood there.

Then, a hot lady approaches and…

But it’s awkward to dance with a hot chick.

So I rejected.

But before I could move away, another sizzling hot babe approaches…

Her boobs sure look stunning. But…

Once again, I rejected. I know no shake.

Feeling proud that I resisted the temptation, I think I’m handling it quite well. But…

The 2 ladies call me names!

Clubbing FAIL!