Our May Love Letter for You

To Our Edamame Wooi,

30 May 2021 | I’m up at 5:47AM waiting for “breakfast” to be heated up. Hunger pangs since 11PM and up since 1:11AM thinking I could sustain it before giving in.

Maternity shoot with Studio21 Photography

Here is Mummy’s (first) letter to you, my dearest first born. According to the Pregnancy+ App, we’ve known each other for 227 days now. Since the day your existence was made known on that Clearblue pregnancy test kit, my brain has been occupied with fear, rational thoughts of being okay if things did not pan out, yet my heart has been consumed with disbelief, longing and love for you. I We’ve been waiting for you for the longest time, society norms aside, rather a fruit of Daddy and Mummy’s love for each other.

You’re our miracle, the one we were gifted with when we let go and let God. To be diagnosed with polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS) felt like a life sentence of despair and disappointment. God is good, in His timing always, we stayed steadfast.

Some of the things that clouded my mind were gestational diabetes and pre-eclampsia, common to PCOS individuals. Other scares in the initial stages were also spotting, low lying placenta during one of the scans and mild cramps one night midway through the second trimester. Jokes on me ‘cus all of these were a result of Mummy’s silly running around the Warehouse for work, doing too much squats in the first trimester and learning that mild cramps are Braxton Hicks.

Baby, you were always so assuring, patiently waiting for Mummy to believe that you are really here.

Even up till week 16-19 when we broke the news to our loved ones and the world via a YouTube video announcement which Daddy made, I was filled with uncertainties, always wondering if it’s the right time to share our little secret. It was an overwhelming period of celebration and questions, mainly “have you felt baby kicking” to which my answer was no. Doubts clouded my mind, yet again.

On 5 March 2021 at 8AM, I felt you for the first time on the lower left of my abdomen. It made my heart flutter, just the way your Daddy makes me feel.

It was during this period where I committed to Klinik Kesihatan visits as an added insurance for you, out of fear should there be complications and the consequential affordability of medical expenses. You were so patient with me every visit when I was stubborn, insisting to stand while waiting despite others offering a seat. On days when you’re going through a growth spurt, you’d sit conveniently on my bladder and pelvic muscles, I’d ooohh and sigh from the weight but deep down, I know this is finally real and my heart was full.

On growth charts at every scan, you’ve proven to be Mummy’s girl – normal in all aspects (size and weight), comfortably within the 50th percentile. Friends and people I’ve met are surprised how far ahead we are when they see the bump that shields you (for now), size wise, we look really small. I take it that you’re protecting Mummy’s skin (lol).

You’re also such a Daddy’s girl! Every time he talks and play his YouTube videos (you’ll get used to this), you move and gently nudge me from the inside as if telling us you’re here and that you wanna join in the conversation.

Month in month out, you’ve been extremely shy. Till todate, we’ve only seen your face and identified your gender… ONCE. Baby girl, Mummy bought loads of dresses for you so even if you come out the opposite gender, the dresses are still yours to wear. Perhaps you can wear it to sleep.

Today marks 32w3d and we’re going to have our photos taken. Daddy thinks I can’t sleep because I’m excited, but I’m not sure. I may have too much on my mind on some days.

8 more weeks till you’re full term.

Our firstborn, we pray for you to be healthy and happy in my womb and when you arrive into this world. The state of the world you’ll arrive in will be complicated. Be smart to pick your battles, yet be kind and gentle always. It’s hard to quote you exact life examples on what to look out for or what to avoid. Daddy Mummy hope to be your compass in life, a haven for you to run back to even on days when we are the reasons you want to escape from us emotionally or physically. One thing’s for sure, I can’t promise you that we will not be clingy parents.

Thank you for choosing us as your parents. Know that we will do our best to provide, guide and love you but (I hope your Daddy) never spoil you. You can be ambitiously an overachiever like Daddy or an average underdog like Mummy, whichever makes you happy but at least end up with a Degree hor... :D

We love you more than you know it. We’re not sure if we’re physically prepared to welcome you into this world yet. Please stay put and bake well. See you in July 2021!